My surgery is on Friday. I know it's not as major as her surgery but it is still major surgery. I've only had two surgeries in my life. One in '99 to remove two tumors from my left breast and the other in '02 to remove three more tumors from my left breast. These were obviously before I had kids. You know how everything is different when you have kids. I KNOW I am going to be fine through my surgery but I can't help the what if's. My biggest fear is something happening and leaving my kids behind. Esp with them so young b/c they wouldn't even know me. That breaks my heart. I promise I am going to go in there with a positive attitude and I know I am going to be okay but I'm still really scared and really nervous. I just can't help it.
I'm NOT one to talk about my feelings so I haven't really talked to anyone about this. Just posting it here is a huge step for me. I did have a mini meltdown the other day sobbing to DH b/c I was snappy with him (b/c of all of this weighing on me) and he yelled at me to cut the shit. I finally broke down and told him how scared I was for my surgery and that until I wake up fine then I'm going to be nervous and that is why I have been so "off" for the last week. He said he understood but then he just swept it under the rug. No one is asking me how I feel about it - they just expect me to keep holding all of them up. I'm sad too b/c I'm not going to be all up and about for Easter. I had to ask my brother to come and cook dinner b/c SIL is doing it for her family and FIL at her house. Thanks a lot bitch, don't worry about us over here. (sorry, I'm bitter) There is more to the story there but I don't want to weigh all of you down with that too.
I'll stop there. Can I ask you all to say a quick prayer for my sister tomorrow and be selfish and ask for one for myself on Friday? I just want us both to get through this and move on. Thank you if you got this far - I know it's a lot.
No comments:
Post a Comment