Thursday, August 20, 2015

Oh heeeeeey!

Holy hell, where has the summer gone!  I cannot believe it's almost the end of August and my kids go back to school in two weeks.  I honestly have NEVER seen a summer go by this quickly before!  So lemme catch you up on the last two months.  I figure I'll go back over my random thoughts from my last blog post because it seems like the best place to go from.

- Divorce
Well, we were FINALLY able to officially file.  OMG what a frigging ordeal.  But J got his parenting classes done, then I had to wait a month for mine because they were all booked up in July.  I completed mine the second week of August and I drove my little ass (HA! Little!) right back to the courthouse to get those papers filed.  Aaaaand done!   We should have our court date in a week or so and it should be within a couple of months since we're filing amicably.   Yes, folks, we are still getting along just fine.  We've been to a couple of functions together and as ridiculous as it sounds, our friends have a harder time with it than we do.  Yes, seriously.  We're both like really?  Get over it.  We're getting divorced but if we're okay with it, then you need to be too.  Oy.

- Change
I'm still excited but I'm getting antsy.  I'm ready to just get this party, okay, maybe party isn't the best choice of words chapter shall we say?  I'm ready to get this next chapter started.  I want to be settled down and established with the kids.  I can't do that yet though and I'm getting frustrated.  Let's just say patience isn't one of my strongest virtues.

- House
The house hasn't sold yet.  Ugh.   The feedback is completely consistent:  "We looooooove the house........we just don't like the other house being so close."   Well, I knew that was going to be an issue.  We dropped the price down $10K, which I was totally okay with because I had the realtor price high anyway, and we're still getting plenty of activity on it.  Just have to wait for the right buyer.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's sooner rather than later.  It's very hard to look for a new place when you don't know how long it will be before you can move.  Ugh.

- Couch surfing
I am PROUD to say I am NO LONGER couch surfing!  Shortly after my last update that stopped.  The kids have been staying with J because that is going to be their regular routine so we started that.  I LOVE it!  I get to stay at home, in my own bed, with my own things.   I can sleep comfortably.  I have food.  I don't have to worry about coming and going.  I can do laundry for the house, I can do whatever I want.  No more packing a bag and moving out.  It is bliss.  So happy!!

- Dating
I am still not quite ready for dating but I did join a dating website.  Well, three technically.  One I deleted shortly after b/c it was a bunch of YOUNG 20-somethings consistently chatting me up and I just wasn't interested.  The second wasn't too bad but a couple of guys were being really inappropriate and I just got sick of it so I deleted there too.   The third I'm still deciding what to do.  J has joined a bunch of sites.  It's hysterical and I give him SUCH a hard time b/c he was putting his status as "divorced" LONG before I even filed the papers.  My status is still "separated" on my profile.  Men.  I haven't met ANYONE yet and I'm not sure when I will.  I'm just taking a peek and seeing how this all works I guess.

- The kids
They are still doing SO well.  They really are the lights of my life, without a doubt.
Ryan has officially started football and he is doing so well.  It's a huge commitment though and he is still adjusting.  The first few days were rough because it was all "conditioning" which is a really hard workout for hours on end to see who is going to hack it.  Of course he did. My tough little man.  He's going to have a great season.

Aidan and Erynn have both signed up for Soccer again this year.  They start next week.  All I have right now is what teams they are playing for.  Still waiting for emails from the coaches. We're going to be busy as hell but I wouldn't have it any other way.  
As long as my kiddos are happy, I am happy!

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Random Thoughts

Things that have been running through my head lately with all the new things and changes going on:

- filing for divorce is easier when you are NOT doing it amicably.
         WTF is up with that?!?!   Keep a good "working" relationship with your soon-to-be-ex-husband and get completely f*cked over by the system.  Holy mother of God this has been nothing but a pain in the ass.  I'm over it.  My divorce is currently sitting on an effin shelf right now because J and I both have to complete a "parenting course" before they will give us our court date.  I'm sorry, a what the WHAT now?!   I have to take a parenting course to tell me how to be a "good" ex during the divorce and to not talk badly about my ex.   Um, did you see the JOINTLY filing paper I submitted?  Our friends have said we should be the "poster children for divorce" because we are getting along better now than we have in over two years.  (yeah, that happened.....thanks guys LOL)   This is some serious bs I tell ya.  So, needless to say I registered us as fast as I could.  He's going this week and next week and I go the first week of July.  Christ on a cracker.  THEN when we get the completed certificates I can get the damn court date.  Well thankyouverymuch.  Seriously.  If I had gone and filed w out him - I would have my court date already.  Granted it would be over a year from now (my friends court date is FOURTEEN months away) so I guess I shouldn't complain, but still.  ANNOYING.

- I'm actually excited for all of the changes coming up.
          Not scared at all.  Which is amazing because this is some pretty MAJOR stuff happening.  I'm 38 years old, with 3 children and I'm starting all over again.  Who the hell would have thought it?!   Um, not I.  But it's happening.....and I can't wait to just get right down to it.  New house, new life.  Me and the three loves of my life.  My world revolves around these three little people.  Nothing else matters.  Everything I've been through in the last 7 yrs of my marriage no longer matters.  I get to wipe the slate clean.  I don't have to put up with anyone else's bullshit anymore.  I don't have to bury anything anymore.  Ignore.  Cry because I'm so unhappy.  Hide my feelings.  Pretend it's all okay.  Put on a front for people.  It's all over.  No regrets, just lessons learned.  

- I can't wait to find a new place to live.
          I get to downsize.  I get to have a house that is just for me and my littles.  Redecorate.  Set up how I want.  Run it the way I want.  Do what I want.  Let the kids set up the way they want - they are older now, they can have input.  We can do it together....that will help them feel like they are part of it.  It's exciting!  Change isn't always a bad thing.  I'm looking forward to it.

- Friends / who is there.
          It's so funny to me who has been there vs who hasn't been there through everything that has been going on over the last 6 mon or so.  I get text messages on the daily from people I would never expect from............keeping in touch, checking in on me, making sure I have plans when it's not my weekend or night with the kids, etc.  Then there are people I  never hear from that I would hear from daily before all of this.  Not complaining, just stating a fact.  It's okay, we're all busy.  It's just interesting who is there when you go through something major.  Happened last year when I had my surgery too.  

-  I am FAR too old for couch surfing.
          During this fabulous (insert heavy sarcasm here) time of transition I have been staying with my brother every other weekend.  OMG it's hell on earth.  I sleep on a couch and I am WAY too f*cking old for that shit.  I get NO sleep.  It's so uncomfortable.  I have to ask permission to come/go b/c they won't give me my own set of keys to the apartment.  (don't even get me started on that)   There is no food in the house so if they are gone I'm trapped for the day with nothing to eat.  If I leave, I'll be locked out until one of them comes home.  It sucks.  I've resorted to staying at a hotel on some nights just to avoid it.  That's the plan for my next weekend - I'm staying at a hotel on the Friday night b/c my last weekend was just SO bad.  They aren't getting along to boot so that just adds to the already shitty situation.  I can't wait to move on with the house so I can get my own place w the kids and I won't have to move out of my house every other weekend.  I can just STAY home.  

- Dating.
          Now, I will say this.........this TERRIFIES me.  OMG I can't even lie.  Thinking about it scares the ever loving shit out of me.  Let's be perfectly honest here.  I have been 100%, absolutely, completely fucked over by every.single.guy in my life starting with my own father.  How's that for a track record???  So putting myself out there and opening up to someone again?   Sooooo not something I'm going to want to do.   BUT, and this is where I'm sure people will judge and have opinions............b/c it's human nature and we ALL do it.............(I don't care what you say, you're doing it right now) marriage has been over for a LONG time.  We both admit that.   So I'm going to want to start dating.  Yep, it's going to happen.  I deserve to be happy too.  My kids make me happy, absolutely.  But when I'm not with them I'm going to want to date.  I will need adult interaction with more than just my girlfriends.  Gasp!  Yes, I said it.  It's going to happen.  But just because I said it doesn't mean it doesn't scare me.  I'm damaged goods.  How do I learn to trust again??

- Tattoo.
           Truly random.  I cannot WAIT for my next tattoo.  I've already picked it out already know where it's going.  I'm getting a lotus flower design on the left side of my body.  Lotus flowers stand for rebirth, starting over, overcoming hard times, etc.  Perfect for this next stage of my life.  I've thought about this next tattoo for months and I can't wait to get it done!

Think that's about all I've got for now.  Truly random thoughts for a Wednesday afternoon.

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