Speaking of exercise

I just had to get up to get water for my protein shake which reminded me.

O.M.Gosh. I don't how body builders or anyone who works out hardcore full time does it. Seriously. I am in pain. Goodness. Getting up from a sitting position is fantastic. *insert sarcasm* Sitting down to pee? Forget it. I wonder if I can get back up. I do love that I'm making my body work, but I wonder what people think when they see me walking like I have a stick up my you-know-what because my legs are so stiff and sore!!

Monday night I did a one hour Body Blast class. Loved it. But I thought I was going to throw up twice. Yes, I know how out of shape I am and thank you, Maria, for proving that to me. I walked out saying I'd NEVER do it again but I'm betting $$ to donuts I'll be back there next Monday.

Last night I did the TM for 45 min. First, that was the longest I've ever stayed on the TM b/c I tend to get bored. Last night I pushed myself and forced myself to stay on. Once I hit 30 min or so it really wasn't that hard. I kept it on an incline though, the entire time, which I have never done before. The lowest I went was 2.0 and the highest was 7.0. I walked at a 3.5 - 4.0 and I did to (2) 2 minute runs at a 5.8. Thought I'd crank it up a notch. Well, it worked. My a$$ and my thighs are ON FIRE today!! I was sweating up a storm and the HR calculator on the TM said 162 so I know I got the job done. I did feel great while doing it. It's just the aftermath that I am dealing with.

Tonight I'm debating. I was going to do the Cardio Combo class. Think of it like Step Aerobics on crack with full time arm weights added in. The first time I went was a few months ago and I used 5lbs dumbbells. I noticed the other women all grabbing 2 and 3 lb ones and I was thinking to myself, what is wrong with these gals? Don't they realize that's not going to do anything? I realized about halfway through the class that clearly *I* was the jackass. Because you have the weights in your hands for the entire 60 min it kicks. your. ass. (or your arms as the case may be) You aren't just doing step aerobics. She builds in bicep curls, arm extentions, shoulder presses, etc. You get the idea. While I'm *eager* to work on my arms (as they are one of the areas I am going to focus on b/c I'm extremely unhappy with a side of beef hanging by my side) I don't think my legs and butt can handle an hour of step aerobics. My other option is to get back on the TM tonight for another 45 min work out. I guess either way I'll be happy b/c I'm getting to the gym and I'm getting my workout on!

Tomorrow night Susan and I have a session with a personal trainer. When joining our gym you get two free sessions and neither of us has used them yet. We want to buddy up so we can help remember what we need to do. I'm going in and letting them know that my focus areas are arms and stomach. Three kids in three years (not to mention the two surgeries I had last year) have not been kind and I'd like to get rid of all the flab. I honest to God could wear at least a full size smaller pant right now if I could just cut off the excess skin I have on my tummy. No exxageration. But, that's not going to happen. So I need to know what I can do on my own to fix it. I haven't lost my mind - I'm not expecting to see abs anytime soon. But I don't think it's unreasonable for me to want to tone and tighten.

Saturday morning I'm taking a 10am Zumba class. That's one way to kick off my weekend! I've taken Zumba before and liked it a lot. It's a FUN way to get a workout in. Hopefully the class at the gym is as good as the one I took at a Zumba studio a while back.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. You know there will be more on exercise in the future though. ;o)

Checking in

Things are slow here in the office today so I'm going to take advantage and catch up on my blogging and blog reading! I have updates all over the place.

NY resolutions are going pretty well!! John and I went on a double date last weekend with my gf, Susan and her bf. We saw The Lovely Bones. It was a good movie! We all really liked it.

Back in Sept (aug??) I won a two night stay in Newport, RI at a Bed and Breakfast John and I used to frequent pre-kids quite a bit. www.armisteadcottage.com I'm SO excited to say we are going to finally USE IT!!!! YAY!!! Susan is helping us out with the kids. VERY generous of her and I am so grateful!! We both have Monday, President's Day off. The stay is supposed to be "mid week" but I called Romana and asked if it would be okay if we came on a Monday. She said absolutely, she is so excited that we'll be the guests this year. YEEEEESS! (this means I get to use one less vaca day too lol) So, we'll go and check in on Monday. Susan will stay with the kids Monday night, take Tuesday off and stay Tuesday night. My FIL (God bless him!) will come over Wed am before Susan needs to leave and he'll stay with the kids. The boys have DC on Wednesday so he'll drop them off and hang out with Erynn until we get home. Probably late morning / early afternoon. I'm very excited. John and I really need some alone time to reconnect. The B&B pkg also includes a $75 gift cert for dinner at www.22bowens.com I've never eaten there but I've heard great things. I really lucked out on this auction!!!

Working out and eating well. I am doing fantastic if I do say so myself. This week I've been to the gym two days, I'll go tonight, tomorrow night and again Saturday morning. Not too shabby for not having gone in about 3 months! My goal is 4-5 days a week and I'm right on track. I need to learn to "woman up" and go even if I don't have anyone to go with me. Susan and I joined together but she only wants to go 3 days a week. That's just not enough for me - I won't see the results I'm looking for going so few days. Kellie joined months ago and she is back on the gym boat as well so I can always call her to see if she wants to go. As a matter of fact, Susan isn't going tonight but Kellie is. She will also be the one to do Zumba with me on Saturday as well. I'm happy I'm sticking to it and I'm eager to see the results.

I am also doing Weight Watchers. My co worker joined up and she does the Monthly Pass program but she doesn't use the online tracking feature at all. She told me to use her name and pword so that *I* can track my food on there. For free! YAY! So, I've been doing it. I have tried WW in the past and it's not worked for me BUT I will be 100% honest and say I didn't really help it work. I would save up my points for pizza or some other kind of "crap" food and what good would that do me. This time around I'm eating really well. I have been for a few wks now and if I do go ahead and eat the "crap" food it makes me FEEL like crap. Physically. I have an adverse reaction and I feel super sick. I'm okay with this though - it's just that much more motivation to eat well!

The kids are doing so great. They really are the lights of my life. Aidan and Erynn will go for their 5 and 2 yr check ups soon. I'm looking forward to seeing the numbers. I know not all Mom's still keep track but I do. I love seeing how much they've grown and where they are at. Maybe I have issues. Who knows.

John was finally able to get in touch with the school on Monday about registering Aidan for Kindergarten. (*gasp* HOW is he already going into K?!) Apparantly we haven't received our packet for him yet b/c he wasn't on the town census. What?! How does that even happen? They are going to go ahead and send the packet out now. Registration is March 1- 31st. I think we're going to try and get him into full day but I have to see what the cost is b/c right now that will definitely be a factor. Ryan has to be screened to see if he qualifies for Pre K. They only do it for kids that have some kind of issue in our town OR they do a Lottery for the "normal" kids to be model students. Ryan has a speech impediment so we're having him evaluated for the full time Pre K. If he doesn't qualify we'll enter him in the lottery. I'm hoping he qualifies though. I'd love for them to be in school full time with other kids. Either way, Erynn will start going to DC with Darlene when Aidan goes into school. She'll take his spot. IF both boys happen to get in Erynn will go to Darlene 4 days a week. I think she will *LOVE* that. She really doesn't spend a whole lot of time with kids other than her brothers. I think it's important for her to interact with other children on a regular basis before she gets into school. Can't wait to see how this all plays out.

I have a conference call with my boss and HR on Monday to discuss my going on a Compressed Work Week schedule. I am keeping everything I have crossed that they give it to me. I'll work (4) 10 hour days Mon - Thurs and will be off on Friday. It will make for VERY long work days but, you know what, it will give me 3 full days home with my family and that is all that matters to me. My company is always preaching the work / life balance so I'm going for it. When I brought it up and was asked why I'm interested that is exactly what I told them. Work /Life Balance. Putting it right back at them. Now it's time for them to practice what they preach. I'm the only one in my office who doesn't have some kind of "flexible arrangement." Two women work full time from HOME. 1 woman works 50% from home. Another only works Tues - Thurs. Lastly, a woman works the compressed work week AND 50% at home. That leaves me. The only administrator that doesn't have anything. So, I'm going for it. I really hope it works out. Three days at home with my family would be a wonderful thing for me.

I guess that's all for now. Hopefully more great updates to follow!

Fun in the Sun! Crap, wait, I mean SNOW!!

It's only JANUARY and I'm already counting down to spring. I loathe winter. I truly do. This is when I turn into world's worst mother because the LAST thing you'll see me doing is playing in the snow with my kids. But, that doesn't mean they don't go out. Um, John takes them. Isn't that what Daddies are for???

See, they play outside

Then when one falls, the others help her up.

The boys go ice fishing. Seriously....fishing....on ice? Have we met? Yeah, I'm good. Call me when it's water again and we'll talk. Mommy is more than happy to stay at home with Erynn while the guys bond.

Is it spring yet?!?!

TBLC.

On my Mom board we do TBLC. The Biggest Loser Challenge. I've done it quite a bit. I go in with the best intentions. Then a week (maybe two) into it and I'm done. I slack, I get lazy, I give up. Not this time. Mama is SICK to death of feeling / looking unhappy. No one can change it for me so it's up to me to get my own ass in gear.

So, apparantly I'm not eating enough. Um, say what? Isn't that what got me here in the first place???? But I digress. I'm trying to be good. Really, I am. Maybe for the next week (or week and a half since I'm almost halfway through this one) I'll concentrate solely on food. Then after that I'll figure out exercise. I have to find what works for me. Common sense says I have to work out in order to look better. That's how most people do anyway. But for me - no, that never works. I work out, I gain weight. I don't work out, I lose weight. I get that you build muscle and all that. I really do. But you can't tell me I bulked up so much in a week that I gained 2lbs. Nope, I'm not hearing it.

I know I have body issues. I honestly do. This is what I think I look like............NO lecturing, I told you I have body issues.

Here is what I really look like. (ignore the face)

aaaand, just to prove I can smile - Ryan wanted in on the photo shoot LOL

Just today I had a coworker tell me that I looked great and that she can tell I'm losing weight. Well, thank you very much missy, but um no I'm not. My number hasn't changed. (okay, wait, I'm down 1.5lbs from w/i on Friday but just give me a day or two and I'm sure it will come back) I will admit that I'm in my "smaller" size jeans though. I was in a14. I'm now in a 12. Holy.....did I just write that?! On a BLOG?! Wait, no one reads this....I'm good. I get people telling me I look good. Pretty. Etc. My first inital reaction is WTFrench are you smoking?! I, of course, do not let this fly out of my mouth. I do say thank you. But honestly - I look at that body shot and I can immediately pick out my gut. My double chin. My chubby cheeks. My thighs that are so much in love with one another they have not stopped making out since 1999. Seriously. My arms look like a side of beef. I could go on and on. But, I'm trying not to. I'm trying to change my body image. I'm trying to be better. I will keep on trucking on. I will keep on trying. Please let it do me some good - let me see the numbers drop! If somehow I could make my jelly Mom belly decrease in size that would be great too.

Happy New Year!!!

And so it begins. A new year. A fresh start. Another chance to let my NY resolutions go straight down the tubes. Kidding. I'm looking at things a little differently this year. I think things can only (God willing!!) get better. It's been a rough couple/few/four years and I'm ready to break the cycle!!!

I'm looking at everything that way these days. If you don't like something it's up to YOU to change it. I saw a quote somewhere and I'm sure I won't get it correct but it goes something like you can't control everything but you CAN control how you react. Seriously, that is way off the quote but ykwim. And, you know what? It's SO true. I try to live my life without judgement (okay, aside from the catty comment here and there, everywhere lol, but who doesn't do that?!) because at the end of the day it's only MY life I have to live. What you do in your life is your deal. If you are happy then I am happy for you. If I don't agree with it - well, who the hell am I?! I'm just another opinion and you know what they say about those!

So. In light of my new outlook - controlling how things are with ME - I'm making some resolutions. I know people go all out at the beginning of every year with resolutions but these I really do intend to hold on to. They can only make things better for me, my family, my life. That is what matters. (feel free to stop reading here because God only knows how long I'll be listing!)

1. Spend more *quality* time with my family.

• there is a big difference between being with your family and being WITH your family. I want to be WITH my family. Make more of an effort. Just because I'm home doesn't mean I'm with my family.

2. Date nights.

• John and I really need more one on one time and I'm going to make it happen. I'd like to get at least one a month on the calendar. We are more than just Mommy and Daddy. We are husband and wife. We are friends. I need to put effort into my friendship with my husband just like I put effort into my friends.

3. Excercise.

• In order to be healthy I need to get into shape. I can't get into shape without exercising. Time to start USING the gym membership that I've been paying for. I haven't been in probably two months. That's $64 in the TRASH. Or might as well have been in the trash.

4. Lose weight.

• I NEED to do this for me. I have a *very* unhealthy sense of myself and I need to work on that. I think it will really start with my losing weight. My goal is 20lbs. I know it's a marathon and not a sprint so I need to commit to keeping ON it even if the pounds don't fly off of me a la Biggest Loser on tv. (I'm not that big and I don't spend the WHOLE day in the gym!)

5. Friends.

• Another area I am going to work on. Monthly Girls Night Out and monthly Family Dinner / Game Night with friends. If we can get some kind of set schedule for this (IE: the 1st friday of the month) it would make all of us get together which is something that would benefit everyone. Scheduling it can only make it easier!

6. Money

• Save money. Things have been so tight since John got hurt at work. I think sometimes we spend money that doesn't need to be spent. I need to stop shopping just to shop. I want to get rid of our cc debt. We don't need to eat out all the time. I don't need to buy something that we don't really need just because I can. Our kids don't need another STITCH of clothing until the spring time. (okay, they might need a couple of things for FL in April.....wait, isn't that spring?! Score!!)

I guess that is it for now. But I think that is a good start. ALL of my resolutions are attainable. There is nothing so far out there that it can't be done. I'm being very realistic. Now it's just up to me to make it all happen. New year, new start!!

Aidan is FIVE!

Really? Five years old?! I honestly don't know how five years have passed. If I look back over the last five years, aside from the birth of our children, they haven't really been very good years. The brightest points of the past five years are our kids. With everything that has gone on I still feel lucky.

Aidan has changed so much. He is as smart as a whip and the things that come out of his mouth sometimes sound like they should be coming from a 90 year old grandfather. Don't get me wrong, I'm not preaching perfection. Oh hell no to that. He can be as moody as an 18 yr old girl who is PMSing and hasn't taken her Midol. You can be joking around with him and laughing one minute and the next he is running away *sobbing* as if his heart is breaking because "you hurt my feelings and broke my heart." Um, what? What the h-e-double hockey sticks just happened?! Aidan, is that you?? Yes, we have entered the overly emotional fives. Cripes. I was not prepared for this. I have to explain all the time that Mommy/Daddy/Ryan/Erynn/Papa/WHOEVER is NOT laughing AT him but is laughing with him because he has done something so funny. Gone are the days where you can make him laugh to get him to stop crying. Oh no, now it's the laughing that will START his crying for pete's sake. I can only laugh. What else can you do? I thought he was a tad sensitive before now. I had no clue. I still wouldn't change it for the world. His kisses, hugs, I love you's.......sigh.......they make it all worth it. "Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the world. You give the best kisses and the best hugs and I love you more!" Ahhhh, this is what it's all about.

For his birthday Aidan wanted a *special* day. A "date" with "JUST Mommy. Not Daddy, not Ryan, not Erynn." Okay my love, you've got it. We went to the movies to see The Princess and the Frog. Super cute movie! He loved it. It was VERY important that Aidan buy his own snack at the movie. (with Mommy's money but, hey, he's five lol) He ordered his own stuff and told the snack girl he was going to see the Princess and the Frog with his Mommy. And the tickettaker. And the cop standing in the lobby. And the lady behind us in line. Lordy, there wasn't anyone he didn't say that to lol. After the movie was over he asked if he could bring his popcorn home so he could share it with Ryan and Erynn. *sigh* *heart* He also asked if we could take the movie home with us because he really wanted Ryan and Erynn to see it because he thinks they'd love it. That is my boy. That is the epitome of Aidan. Loving, caring, wants to share. Love him.

Happy 5th Birthday Aidan John!

Birthday Party!

We had a joint birthday party for Aidan and Erynn this year. Their birthdays are so close together - it just makes things much easier. I'll do it for as long as I can get away with it. Which, actually, might not be as long as I think because next year Aidan will be in Kindergarten (what?! NO! How did that happen?!) and he'll probably want to invite friends. Oy. I'll worry about that when I get there.

We just had family and very close friends with kids at the party. I'm trying to cut down the guest list as much as possible. Even with just that limited list we had almost 40 people! They add up so quickly! The theme was Knights and Princesses. Perfect for a little boy and girl. The party went well and everyone had a great time. My sister was home for the weekend which was nice. She had never been to one of the kids' birthday parties so it was a real treat.

Erynn is TWO!!

I have SO much catching up to do!!

Shout out to Summer who has officially helped get me off my ass and update my blog. Now you will know what's up when you notice I post 6 different entries in a day. Yes, slow day at work today. Might as well take advantage and get something done.

So my baby (or not so much) girl is TWO. Things have changed so much in the last two yrs! Two yrs ago my insides were falling out.......love my baby girl. Two years ago we were still waiting for our house to be finished. Two yrs ago I could blame it all on "baby weight" *sob* But I digress. I always said I never wanted a daughter b/c she'd be a bitch just like her Mommy. Hey, if I say it first it won't count as behind my back when other people say it. But I can't tell you how HAPPY I am to have her. She is the light of my life. I love my sons, don't get me wrong, but there is just something special about having a daughter. I am so blessed to have her in my life. She helped get me through the loss of my mother......whether she'll ever know it or not. I look at her sometimes and swear my Mom is there. When Ms Thang walks she is all business. Little fists pumping (little Jersey Shore throwback for you) and legs stomping - she knows exactly what she wants and she is going to get it. Her little booty shakes back and forth and she is heavy on her feet - just like my Mom was. I wouldn't change her for the world.

People tell me she looks like John. I tell them they are crazy. Okay, I don't really, but I'm thinking it. My aunt brought over pictures of me when I was her age and she is the spitting image of me back then. Now you look at me with my super dark hair and say htf did that happen? I have no idea. She'll grow into it? Who knows. But she really does look just like her Mommy. Since I'm at work I can't prove it but you can count on my posting pictures a little later on.

Happy 2nd Birthday to my baby girl. I love you so much!!!