TBLC.

On my Mom board we do TBLC. The Biggest Loser Challenge. I've done it quite a bit. I go in with the best intentions. Then a week (maybe two) into it and I'm done. I slack, I get lazy, I give up. Not this time. Mama is SICK to death of feeling / looking unhappy. No one can change it for me so it's up to me to get my own ass in gear.

So, apparantly I'm not eating enough. Um, say what? Isn't that what got me here in the first place???? But I digress. I'm trying to be good. Really, I am. Maybe for the next week (or week and a half since I'm almost halfway through this one) I'll concentrate solely on food. Then after that I'll figure out exercise. I have to find what works for me. Common sense says I have to work out in order to look better. That's how most people do anyway. But for me - no, that never works. I work out, I gain weight. I don't work out, I lose weight. I get that you build muscle and all that. I really do. But you can't tell me I bulked up so much in a week that I gained 2lbs. Nope, I'm not hearing it.

I know I have body issues. I honestly do. This is what I think I look like............NO lecturing, I told you I have body issues.

Here is what I really look like. (ignore the face)

aaaand, just to prove I can smile - Ryan wanted in on the photo shoot LOL

Just today I had a coworker tell me that I looked great and that she can tell I'm losing weight. Well, thank you very much missy, but um no I'm not. My number hasn't changed. (okay, wait, I'm down 1.5lbs from w/i on Friday but just give me a day or two and I'm sure it will come back) I will admit that I'm in my "smaller" size jeans though. I was in a14. I'm now in a 12. Holy.....did I just write that?! On a BLOG?! Wait, no one reads this....I'm good. I get people telling me I look good. Pretty. Etc. My first inital reaction is WTFrench are you smoking?! I, of course, do not let this fly out of my mouth. I do say thank you. But honestly - I look at that body shot and I can immediately pick out my gut. My double chin. My chubby cheeks. My thighs that are so much in love with one another they have not stopped making out since 1999. Seriously. My arms look like a side of beef. I could go on and on. But, I'm trying not to. I'm trying to change my body image. I'm trying to be better. I will keep on trucking on. I will keep on trying. Please let it do me some good - let me see the numbers drop! If somehow I could make my jelly Mom belly decrease in size that would be great too.