She was going to the vet yesterday to have a cyst on her eye looked at. Jan brought her to my Father in Law's house because she wanted to prep us first. He came over and told us we needed to go to his house. I knew in an instant what was happening. John had no idea. When we got there I said to Jan, it's bad isn't it? She just said I'm so sorry. I said is it Cancer? She said yes. Dakota has cancer throughout her spleen and it's infested her lungs as well. Her platelet counts are supposed to be between 40,000 - 50,000. Hers are at 7,000. If she bumps into something the wrong way, if she gets bumped the wrong way, she could literally bleed out in your house. She'll bleed from her ears, eyes, nose, mouth and you won't be able to help her or stop it. I started crying. All I could think about were the kids. They have never known life without Dakota. We got her when I was pregnant with Aidan - she would have been 10 years old just two weeks from now.
We brought her home and told the kids that she was very, very sick. That she was going to live in Heaven with Grandma and Meme. They started crying. I started crying. John started crying. They asked if they could take a picture with her, each of them, to keep in their bedrooms. I said of course they could. Then the questions started. Erynn wanted to know if we could visit her in Heaven. Aidan was saying he wished we could just have four more days - just one more camping trip with her so we could take her to the dog park again. But he didn't want her to be in pain. Ryan said this was the saddest day of his life and would it be okay to talk about it at circle time in school the next day. My poor babies were crying for hours. They are so sad and I felt so helpless because all I could do was hold them - I couldn't fix their hurt. I've never felt so helpless in my life. I just said Mommy is so sorry, this is one hurt I can't fix for you.
I know we did the right thing. John went with Jan to the hospital and he said Dakota got really bad on the drive there. Her breathing was labored, she was shaking and crying. I know she was in pain and we never would have wanted her to suffer. We wouldn't have wanted the kids to see her like that. But my heart breaks for my kids and the pain they are feeling. I wish I could make it all better for them.
The kids want to bury her in the front yard. Right by the three trees we planted for them when we built the house. Aidan said it has to be by those trees so she will always be near them. :::tears::: for my sweet child.
RIP Dakota. We love you and will never forget you.
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| 2013 |
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| 5-5-14 |
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