I just stumbled upon this today. I am peeing in my pants cracking up right now. This is gospel. It's the truth. Read them, you know I'm right. Tell me you don't laugh at each and every one! Okay, well almost. Because, while some of them are truths, I truthfully didn't find myself cracking up like a lunatic at ALL of them. But I do LOVE these so I had to share. With all 3 people that read my blog. Wait, 3 might be a tad generous. Oy.
Truths for Mature Humans:
1. I think part of a best friends job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is a great need for a sarcasm font. (I LOVE this one, totally agree!!!)
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Mapquest really needs to start their directions at #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least "kind of" tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I really don't want to have to start my collection.........again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes I made to my ten-page technical report that I swear I didn't make any changes to.
14. "Do not Machine Wash or Tumble Dry" means I will not wash this. Ever.
15. I hate when I miss a call on the last ring (Hello? HELLO? @#%& it!), but when I immediately call back it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do when I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away??
16. I hate leaving my house feeling confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet money on any given Friday or Saturday night that more kisses begin with Bud Light than with Kay.
19. I think that the freezer deserves a light as well.
20. I wish Google maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option.
21. Sometimes I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and realize that I had NO idea what the hell was going on the first time I saw it.
22. I would rather carry 10 overloaded plastic bags in each hand than make two trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I am trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering that fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What??" before you just smile and nod because you STILL don't understand a word they just said??
26. I love the sense of camaraderie one gets when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong Brothers and Sisters!!!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?
29. There is no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back just a little too far.
30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and STILL not know what time it is.
31. As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers. No matter what mode of transportation though I always had bicyclists.
32. Even under the most ideal of conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, their cell phone in a purse, pinning the tail on the donkey. But you can bet your ass that everyone can find and push that snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!!
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