Working on it

I'm still feeling "off" but I'm working on feeling better.

Some days I just want to whine. Ask WHY can't I throw myself a little pity party? Indulge myself? But then I just figure everyone has their own shit. Why is mine any more special?

I think of my kids.......I just love them SO much. They are my light. It's not fair to them for me to let myself slip into this funk. It's not right. They need me. My husband needs me.

So many people depend on me. So many people come to me for advice, a chat, a talk, a hug. I LOVE this, don't get me wrong. It's part of who I have been, am and will always be. But WHY, when I need to ask for the favor in return, is it SO hard for me to do it?

Well, because I have gotten used to being *that* person for everyone else. I have gotten used to being the strong one, the dependant one, the advisor, the call-you-outer (??), the fixer, the talker, the listener. HOW do you let go of that? Me? I don't. That's just the way it is. I know there are people who want to help. But I don't want to burden anyone else. Maybe I don't want to admit out loud how bad things really are. Maybe I've held it in for so long I can no longer let it out. Who knows.

So. I'm here. I'm okay. Aren't I always okay? Regardless of what is really going on.....aren't I always okay? Yes, I am. I'll do what I have to do and I'll get through it. Don't cry for me Argentina. I'll keep on trucking and everything will work out. It has to.

DISconnected

Completely.

Just blah.

Not myself. Hard to explain.

Don't want to reach out. Ask for help. Let anyone know.

Put on front. Act like I should. Just not here. Don't know how to fix.

No point. Not sure what is wrong with me.

Sad.

Resentful.

Irritated.

Lost.

Just Blah.

Hope it ends soon.

They're done!!!

I got our family photo proofs yesterday!! YAY!!! I always walk away so worried that there aren't going to be any good shots. Year after year Steph proves me wrong! She captures the kids's personalities SO WELL!! I just love them. Steph never ceases to amaze me and I am just so happy with our photos! If you want to take a peek go to:

www.stephaniechristinephotography.com
Click on proofing
enter foleyfive

My favorites, as of right are:
17, 24, 51, 61, 74, 103, 124, 135, 151, 153 and 181. I know for sure that #17 is going to be the new Foley Family 2010 Photo that graces our wall. The others I'm going to run by John when he gets home (he went up to Maine with the kids yesterday, before I got the email from Steph) and I'll be placing my order soon after!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Steph! I love love LOVE THEM!!!!

Another week down

Made it! This week has dragged by. Work has been stressful, I can feel all the knots in my shoulders because I've been so tense. I'm very glad to have the next three days off to just relax with my family and friends!

It's another busy weekend. Tomorrow I'll be running errands with Erynn and will be getting ready for our monthly dinner. I love this time - once a month me, my gf's (that I've know for more than half my life) and their families get together for a dinner at my house. It's SUCH a good time. All the kids play together, the adults get to spend time together and there is plenty of food for everyone. What more could we ask for??

Saturday we have a birthday party to go to in the afternoon and then Saturday night we're going on a double date with Tiffany and Jon. Tiff called earlier in the week asking if we'd be interested in going out to dinner, just the adults. Hell yeah we would! Dad is going to watch the kids, we're hitting Longhorn for dinner and then drinks around the fire pit back at Tiff's house.

Sunday John is heading back up to Maine with the kiddos. He's going to meet with a realtor (or two) and get an estimate on the cabin up there. Dad is looking to sell it. I plan on cleaning the house, doing laundry and just getting some "me" time in. I'm looking forward to some deep cleaning!! Did I really just say that? Yes, yes I did. I love to clean. It's very theraputic for me. I'll miss my family a lot but I will admit that a little alone time is much needed right now. I've got so much on my mind, so much stress, that I think a little debriefing and unwinding will do a world of good.

Good times ahead - hope you all have a great weekend too!

Boudoir

I have to admit even typing this out scares me. But I'm putting it out here anyway.

Stephanie, as you know, is our family photographer. She does the boudoir photos. I've mentioned to her that I was thinking of getting some done as a Christmas gift for John. I can't believe I even put it out there.......I know she will hold me to it. ;o)

I feel SO badly about my appearance right now. Maybe planting this bug in Steph's ear will help me hold fast to my working out. This is a goal for me to strive for. I know John would love it. But I also know there is no way in HELL I'd pose for shots looking the way I do now. Family photos were hard enough. Sure, I've gotten compliments on the few proofs that Steph posted on my FB page. But all I see is a fat chick. I can pick out my double chin, my huge stomach and my gross arms. That is all *I* see. I know I have image issues. I know the view *I* have of my body / appearance is NOT what everyone else sees. But that's just the way it is. (anyone else hearing Bruce Hornsby right now?!) I'm going to work my hardest the next few months to get myself into better shape, to feel better about myself and to get the nerve up to pose for these pictures!!! Wish me luck!

Anyone want to join me?!?!

5K?!?!

Steph has asked me to do a 5K with her in September. We don't have to run the whole thing, but I'd like to. I am going to start the Couch to 5K program again in the hopes that I will be ready. I have seriously fallen off the working out wagon. Hard. I had a few brief interludes with the 30 day Shred. I have started / stopped the Cto5K program more times than I care to admit. I think I am just NOT in the mindset of working out right now. I have so much on my plate that I don't have time for ME. I just can't do it. I'm going to try it again though. Regardless, I'll do the 5K in September. Even if I have to walk more than I run, I'll do it.

Ahhhh, Monday

Mondays are so tough. Especially after having a fabulous weekend. Today is one of those days. I'm alone in my office, I'm freezing my buns off because the a/c is on negative 3,000. Time is just dragging by. I'm not very busy so I might as well update my blog, right? For all the people just waiting to read about the Foley life. HA!


Friday John took the kiddos fishing for a bit........or tried to. Turns out they didn't get very far. There hasn't been much rain so he had a hard time getting the boat into the water. He tried two different ponds but couldn't get the boat in. That was the end of that. Erynn and I hit the grocery store and then went to Tiffany's house for a while in the afternoon. We were going to a cookout at her house that night but she wanted to chat so we stopped by for a while. After we left I brought Erynn home to take a nap while I put together a pasta salad (so good, got a ton of compliments on it!) and brownies for the cookout. Went to Tiff's about 5pm. We had SUCH a good time! Saw a couple of people I haven't seen since high school. All of the kids got along great. We didn't get home until 11:15pm!


Saturday was even better.......although it started off a bit on the rough side. We made plans to meet Steph, Boo and the kids at Stop and Shop in Whitman so we could all head to the beach. I started waking the kids up at 7:30am. Not much fun at all. My kids love their sleep so they weren't very happy with me waking them up so early after getting home so late the night before. John and I ended up bringing the kids down to the car in their pj's and letting them bring a blanket with them so they could curl back up in their carseats lol. We hit the grosh for a couple of things and were on our way! We went down to Scussett Beach in Plymouth. I'd never been before. Gorgeous!!! We did a lot of walking, a lot of sunbathing and had a LOT of fun. We were there for about 6 hours I think. After that we went back to Steph and Boo's house for dinner. We got the kids home about 7:30pm and into bed early. It truly was a perfect day. Days spent with friends that are considered family are moments to be treasured. It was so heartwarming to watch all the kids laughing and playing together. That's what it is all about.


Sunday was another laid back day. Julie and family came over so the kids could play together. (Aidan is back to marrying Paige. I'm sure this will change next weekend when we go camping with Avery again!) Jules and I went out to lunch by ourselves to catch up while the hubbies hung out and watched the kids. Great day.


Just one of those perfect weekends that you can't wait to relive. I'm hoping this upcoming weekend will bring more of the same!