The BIG 3-5

Yep. This one hit me like a ton of bricks.

For anyone that knows me.........really knows me.......you know I don't give two figs about age. Never have. To be perfectly honest I never thought I would.

Until this year.

35.

Not a ridiculously high number. Nope, not at all.

I don't know if it's because 2011 was such a CRAP year for us. I don't know if it's because I miss my Mom so much. I don't know if it's because my family history shows this might actually be the midway point of my life. I don't know anything except this birthday was one tough birthday for me.

Until it wasn't.

For the past 8 or 9 years John and I have thrown a New Years Eve party. (Except for ONE year. 2004. We skipped that one because I was coming home from the hospital having given birth to Aidan 2 days prior. Forgive me.)

So typically I spend my birthday cooking and cleaning for a slew of people to come over and ring in the new year. No, it's not a birthday party for me. It never has been. It's always been a New Year's party. That's just the way it's been. I'm not tacky enough to throw myself a birthday party every year. Come on.

My brother and I are super close. I had voiced to him a few times how hard this approaching birthday was hitting me. There is a group of us from my Mommy board that email pretty much every single day. We are pretty damn close and they wanted to know what the plan was for my birthday. I told them it was the same as every year. We host everyone at our house. "Oh, you mean a birthday party for you?" Nope. We just host a party, end of story. They weren't too fond of that. I didn't find out until the day of just how un-okay with it they really were.

This was the BEST birthday I have ever had. Long story short - my email group spoiled the hell out of me AND my brother spoke with John and my best friends and they threw me a surprise party. I got flowers. Gift certificates. A cake. A cookie bouquet. An Edible Arrangement. A spa trip. I was blown away. It's not about the gifts. It's about people caring enough. It's that they wanted to celebrate me. As my brother said the next day when I thanked him profusely for doing such a wonderful thing for me: "You are absolutely welcome and you deserved it! You do more than enough for everyone else, it's about time you got a little something in return."

Once again I am shown how blessed I am. I am loved. Life is good.

Birthdays

I'm going to have to do some block catching up here. Just when I think I can get back into blogging something happens and a month goes by. Where does the time go?! Speaking of.......we had two (well, three but mine will be seperate) birthdays go by last month!

Aidan. My baby. My first born. I don't understand how it has been SEVEN years since I brought my first child home. SEVEN. Some days it feels like yesterday, other days it feels like a life time has gone by.

How did this happen?!

How did we get from there to here? Aidan is such a little man. He has a heart of gold, he is so sensitive. He is the most loving kid there is. So much so that my heart aches for him sometimes. He is just *so* sweet. I hope he will make it through the hurts that can come with childhood. Kids can be so mean and I worry for his sweet little sensitive self. He is the best big brother to his brother and sister. Always looking out for them, sharing, loving, hugging, playing with. He is just amazing.

Erynn Louise. My last baby. Four years already. I remember how much I loved her before she was born. How I got to tell my Mom before she died how I was going to have another baby. How Erynn helped me get through the death of my mother. I remember the day we found out that we were having a baby girl and how much the u/s picture looked like my Mom. It blew me away. We knew right then and there that her name would be Erynn Louise. Erynn is SUCH a girl. She loves pink, playing with dolls, doing her hair. But she loves her big brothers just as much. She plays with them, she looks up to them. She is a Diva. She is emotional. She loves just as hard as she does anything else. She is amazing.

Every Mom is biased. This is true. But for all of the hurts I have had in my life.......these three blessings that I have......I can't even put into words. I am blessed. I am lucky. I am loved. God has put me through some rough things. I grew up much faster than most everyone I know. But I would not change a single solitary thing because it has led me here.

Happy Birthday to two of my wonderful children. I love you to the moon and back.