and I can't wait! Tomorrow afternoon at 3:40pm I'll be on a flight to MD. I'm running away to Alice Anne's for the weekend!! Miss my girl. This trip is long overdue and I'm so very excited. Thanks to my darling hubby for giving me the go ahead to buy a ticket ($100 round trip! NICE!) to see my very good friend for the weekend. He knew I needed this and he was all for it. <3>
So much to do, of course. I have to do a load of laundry, pack, figure out WHAT to pack, sleep. It never ends, does it? :o)
I'm looking forward to a relaxing weekend with my girl!!!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monthly update
It's that time again. It seems I only remember to update once a month. IDK life just gets in the way, things happen. I'm just going to keep doing the best I can and be happy with that. All anyone can ask for is your best. So, on with the updates.
John: Not much to report here. He's STILL waiting for one of the jobs to pan out at the Sheriff's Dept. They haven't hired anyone yet (8 positions are avail) and they haven't done any interviews yet. I guess that is the positive in this scenario. At least they haven't just left him hanging again. They just haven't done anything. SO frustrating but I will just keep praying and keep the faith that something is going to work out.
Aidan: Just signed up for Little League over the weekend. He is VERY excited and has asked John if he will coach as well. I can't believe we've reached the team sports phase. Although I do realize that others have had their kids in sports for a long time and I may seem far behind. This is just the way things are done in our town.
Ryan: Of course Ryan now wants to do Little League like his big brother. We've told him that can't happen for a couple of years yet but at least his interest is peaked. We're looking forward to the warm weather so we can take the kids to the park and at least Ryan can play there for now.
Erynn: Still a DIVA. What else can I say? She is truly a girly girl and definitely a Mama's girl. She still loves going to "school" 3 days a week and loves playing with her friends.
We're going to be signing the kids up for BOXING soon. All three of them. Apparantly it's $5 (TOTAL!!!) for 3 months of boxing on Saturday mornings. I can't wait - I think they are going to looove it.
A bit of sad news......we're not doing the Relay for Life this year. This year marks the 5 yr anniversary of Ma's death and I think it's really hitting Dad hard. He has asked that we wait a year or two before we revisit the Relay. In a way I'm happy because I just don't feel up to trying to run the entire team this year. We've lost half of them due to lack of interest and it's really hard to fundraise in this economy. There were really only TWO members of the entire team that tried to do any kind of fundraising at all. It was fairly stressful because we wanted to be on top but without everyone's help it's really hard to make that happen. I'm even more sad because the Chair of the RFL committee came to me yesterday and said she wanted to spotlight our Team to inspire others. It broke my heart to tell her that we were unable to participate this year. I know everything happens for a reason though and I am trying to stay positive. Dad doesn't ask much of us so I really want to respect his wishes.
As for myself. I've had quite a few changes. I stopped taking my anti-anxiety meds. They were not helping with my anxiety / panic attacks at all and I am just not interested in taking meds for the sake of taking them. I told my Dr I wasn't seeing any results and he wanted to increase the dosage. I felt I was on a pretty high dose and said why would I want to increase somethign that hasn't made a difference at ALL. He agreed and I weaned off. Of course I had complications weaning but I just don't want to get into that right now. Long story short I'm off the meds, I've been off for about a month or so. I've started seeing a therapist to help me deal with the anxiety and stress instead of taking meds. I've only gone twice so far but I've got another appt tomorrow night and I'm interested in continuing this process to see how I can help myself. I know I'm doing the right thing by seeing someone. I need to be able to talk to someone who isn't biased, someone I can say absolutely ANYTHING to without fearing repercussions or judgements, someone that can have an objective opinion and maybe offer some help. I felt like I was being selfish at first but I'm glad I'm doing it and now I realize that if I make myself better that will just make me better for everyone around me.
I'm still trying to lose weight and exercise but I've been back in a "funk" again. I've definitely slipped and I'm definitely unhappy with the way that I look physically but it's still a vicious circle. I realize I have to do it myself but I must just not be there yet. I have other things that come first in my life right now. Again, therapy will help with this I hope. I'm just not feeling like myself and I'm doing my best to get through the day to day. I'm hoping once the good weather comes around that will help brighten my outlook. A friend reco'd that I get my hormone levels tested as well. She has had the very same symptoms that I can describe in my day to day feelings and found out that her hormones were out of whack. I will try anything, get any test, to just get myself back to "normal" again. If I'm being honest with myself I can say things are rough. I do NOT show that to anyone on the outside though, not that this will be surprising to anyone. We all know how I roll. Act normal, be happy, figure it out on your own. Yes, I know it's not right, this is something I'm working on in therapy. One day at a time.
The spring / summer can't come fast enough. Camping season officially kicks off for us in May and I am REALLY looking forward to it. I can't think of anything better than sitting by the pool with family and friends while on a camping trip. Bring. It. On.
More to say but not enough time. I'll have to come back later.
John: Not much to report here. He's STILL waiting for one of the jobs to pan out at the Sheriff's Dept. They haven't hired anyone yet (8 positions are avail) and they haven't done any interviews yet. I guess that is the positive in this scenario. At least they haven't just left him hanging again. They just haven't done anything. SO frustrating but I will just keep praying and keep the faith that something is going to work out.
Aidan: Just signed up for Little League over the weekend. He is VERY excited and has asked John if he will coach as well. I can't believe we've reached the team sports phase. Although I do realize that others have had their kids in sports for a long time and I may seem far behind. This is just the way things are done in our town.
Ryan: Of course Ryan now wants to do Little League like his big brother. We've told him that can't happen for a couple of years yet but at least his interest is peaked. We're looking forward to the warm weather so we can take the kids to the park and at least Ryan can play there for now.
Erynn: Still a DIVA. What else can I say? She is truly a girly girl and definitely a Mama's girl. She still loves going to "school" 3 days a week and loves playing with her friends.
We're going to be signing the kids up for BOXING soon. All three of them. Apparantly it's $5 (TOTAL!!!) for 3 months of boxing on Saturday mornings. I can't wait - I think they are going to looove it.
A bit of sad news......we're not doing the Relay for Life this year. This year marks the 5 yr anniversary of Ma's death and I think it's really hitting Dad hard. He has asked that we wait a year or two before we revisit the Relay. In a way I'm happy because I just don't feel up to trying to run the entire team this year. We've lost half of them due to lack of interest and it's really hard to fundraise in this economy. There were really only TWO members of the entire team that tried to do any kind of fundraising at all. It was fairly stressful because we wanted to be on top but without everyone's help it's really hard to make that happen. I'm even more sad because the Chair of the RFL committee came to me yesterday and said she wanted to spotlight our Team to inspire others. It broke my heart to tell her that we were unable to participate this year. I know everything happens for a reason though and I am trying to stay positive. Dad doesn't ask much of us so I really want to respect his wishes.
As for myself. I've had quite a few changes. I stopped taking my anti-anxiety meds. They were not helping with my anxiety / panic attacks at all and I am just not interested in taking meds for the sake of taking them. I told my Dr I wasn't seeing any results and he wanted to increase the dosage. I felt I was on a pretty high dose and said why would I want to increase somethign that hasn't made a difference at ALL. He agreed and I weaned off. Of course I had complications weaning but I just don't want to get into that right now. Long story short I'm off the meds, I've been off for about a month or so. I've started seeing a therapist to help me deal with the anxiety and stress instead of taking meds. I've only gone twice so far but I've got another appt tomorrow night and I'm interested in continuing this process to see how I can help myself. I know I'm doing the right thing by seeing someone. I need to be able to talk to someone who isn't biased, someone I can say absolutely ANYTHING to without fearing repercussions or judgements, someone that can have an objective opinion and maybe offer some help. I felt like I was being selfish at first but I'm glad I'm doing it and now I realize that if I make myself better that will just make me better for everyone around me.
I'm still trying to lose weight and exercise but I've been back in a "funk" again. I've definitely slipped and I'm definitely unhappy with the way that I look physically but it's still a vicious circle. I realize I have to do it myself but I must just not be there yet. I have other things that come first in my life right now. Again, therapy will help with this I hope. I'm just not feeling like myself and I'm doing my best to get through the day to day. I'm hoping once the good weather comes around that will help brighten my outlook. A friend reco'd that I get my hormone levels tested as well. She has had the very same symptoms that I can describe in my day to day feelings and found out that her hormones were out of whack. I will try anything, get any test, to just get myself back to "normal" again. If I'm being honest with myself I can say things are rough. I do NOT show that to anyone on the outside though, not that this will be surprising to anyone. We all know how I roll. Act normal, be happy, figure it out on your own. Yes, I know it's not right, this is something I'm working on in therapy. One day at a time.
The spring / summer can't come fast enough. Camping season officially kicks off for us in May and I am REALLY looking forward to it. I can't think of anything better than sitting by the pool with family and friends while on a camping trip. Bring. It. On.
More to say but not enough time. I'll have to come back later.
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