I'm still feeling "off" but I'm working on feeling better.
Some days I just want to whine. Ask WHY can't I throw myself a little pity party? Indulge myself? But then I just figure everyone has their own shit. Why is mine any more special?
I think of my kids.......I just love them SO much. They are my light. It's not fair to them for me to let myself slip into this funk. It's not right. They need me. My husband needs me.
So many people depend on me. So many people come to me for advice, a chat, a talk, a hug. I LOVE this, don't get me wrong. It's part of who I have been, am and will always be. But WHY, when I need to ask for the favor in return, is it SO hard for me to do it?
Well, because I have gotten used to being *that* person for everyone else. I have gotten used to being the strong one, the dependant one, the advisor, the call-you-outer (??), the fixer, the talker, the listener. HOW do you let go of that? Me? I don't. That's just the way it is. I know there are people who want to help. But I don't want to burden anyone else. Maybe I don't want to admit out loud how bad things really are. Maybe I've held it in for so long I can no longer let it out. Who knows.
So. I'm here. I'm okay. Aren't I always okay? Regardless of what is really going on.....aren't I always okay? Yes, I am. I'll do what I have to do and I'll get through it. Don't cry for me Argentina. I'll keep on trucking and everything will work out. It has to.
Well you need to let that go dear... you cannot always be the fixer. You can come to me, to vent, to listen, to cry, to fix. And I didn't fall far... as much as you and I are not "really" blood...I learned well from you in the "call-er-outer" catagory. Please remember you can come to me.. for anything. Your right, we all have our own shit, but it doesn't mean we don't care about yours, or that you should pretend your ok because you feel like you need to! Yes... you will have to keep on trucking... it's life and we all have to whether we like it or not. But it doesn't mean that you can't take a moment to feel blah or frustrated!
ReplyDeleteCall me, I am here. I will listen and be honest.
But I have to leave that up to you..
Love you.
Stephanie