Update 2-19-06

Hi girls,

I'm sorry I haven't posted any updates on Cheryl in the last couple of weeks. I just don't want to be known as the board downer you know? But since it was brought up I thought it was only fair to let you know what has been going on.

She is still having bad seizures. My most recent call was yesterday afternoon. Her gf was outside doing yardwork and my sister was inside watching tv when she had another seizure. When she woke up she had NO clue where she was, who she was with, etc. She was hysterical. Cynthia picked up the phone and immediately called me. Cheryl was sobbing uncontrollably. Cynthia tried to get her to go back inside the house and my sister was screaming at the top of her lungs for Cynthia to get away from her b/c she didn't know who she was and she was scaring her. This is what it has been like for the last few weeks. She has had many more epileptic seizures than psychogenic and the epileptic ones are the worst. These are the ones where she forgets everything. Can't remember her middle name, her birthday, our grandmothers name (she passed away a long time ago but my sister was THE closest person to her so not being able to remember her name devastates her over and over) nothing. It took her all of last weekend to be able to tell me when she was born and what her middle name is. She is having Grand Mal seizures too - losing bodily control and this is one thing that she is having a VERY hard time with - she feels humiliated. I try to tell her it's not her fault but she is still not okay with it and, honestly, I can't blame her.

So this is what has been going on. EVERY single person in that house has my number programmed in their phones. As soon as she starts to have a seizure I am on the phone. I wait for her to wake up and we go through the routine. She still knows me every single time which I thank God for every day. Last weekend I was scared b/c she was on the phone but not talking to me. I was talking to her and asking her if she knew who I was but she wouldn't answer so I started crying b/c I thought she didn't know who I was. She was finally able to talk a few min later and when I asked her why she wasn't talking she said she was in her head but she couldn't make the words come out. But she knew who I was.

Her Dr has started her on a third medication called Buspar and he is hoping this helps. She has not been readmitted to the hosp and I don't know why - maybe they figure that it won't help. They could be right - if she is going to have seizures she is going to have them wherever.

I'm doing the best that I can but I do break down sometimes. I just try to remember the positives - she does always remember after each seizure. Sometimes it takes 5min, sometimes 35min but at least she always remembers. I'm just going to keep on trucking and doing the best that I can. All I can do is be there for her and talk to her so she remembers on her own.

Thank you for asking and I'm truly sorry for not updating sooner. I was just sick of always having bad news. But I promise to keep you updated. Please continue your prayers.

(((HUGS)))

Seizure update 2-19-06

I am sobbing.

My sister had a seizure tonight and I couldn't help. She didn't know me. I prayed so hard that this would never happen. I was on the phone when she woke up. I was talking to her. I said do you know my voice? She said no. Her gf asked if she had a sister. Cheryl said she didn't know. Cynthia said do you know Christine? Cheryl said no. For 30min I tried to talk to her and she had no idea who I was.

I couldn't do ANYTHING.

She ended up having another seizure - psychogenic this time b/c she panicked from not knowing anything. 20min later I get a phone call. She is okay again and knows everyone. She was crying on the phone and so was I. We are both terrified that she didn't know me. She said "Christine what do I do if this ever happens again? You are the ONLY one I can go to - the only one that can get me down. What happens if I don't remember and you can't pull me back to you?"

I am sobbing again..........I am SO scared.......what if this happens again girls? I just don't know what to do. I felt SO helpless.

Please, please pray that she never forgets me again - we don't know what we'd do if it happened again.